DON’T BE A BYSTANDER, THE COST OF BULLYING

By Selina Seesunkur

With the rise of social media, bullying seems more prevalent than ever. For some people their first taste of bullying is in the school playground, for others it is in the workplace, but now people can bully you 24/7 via social media, there is no escaping home. In her documentary “Odd One Out” Little Mix band member, Jesy Nelson and her band mates explained that trolling had affected her mental state, Jesy herself said “online tolls made me want to die” According to Ditch the Label, in 2019, 22% of all 12 to 20 year olds surveyed said they had experience bullying and 27% had said they had witnessed it. Research shows that at least half of suicides committed by a young person are related to bullying.

What is bullying? Is bullying asking someone to do their job and to do it well? Is bullying asking someone who is undermining you to stop? Is bullying giving someone advice they do not want to hear?

According to the Government bullying at school is defined as

• repeated

• intended to hurt someone either physically or emotionally

• often aimed at certain groups, for example because of race, religion, gender or sexual orientation

You will find there are similar definitions for adults

The following characterisations are from my own observations, they are not scientific, but hopefully they will make sense to you.

The Psychopathic Bully- This person will often operate undetected (gaslighting). Common actions include: discreetly spreading harmful gossip, omitting you from events or meetings or turning others against you. This type of bully has taken the time to discredit you, they will make you and others feel like it is all in your head or that the issue is solely with you.

The Egoistical Bully, the image of a tall man squashing a small ant under his size 12s springs to mind. The Egoist thinks they have the power to mistreat you. But because they are power tripping, they will slip up and unlike the Psychopath, they will do it publicly. You will find people are aware of this bully’s persona, but people are either too afraid of standing up to him or they have tried and failed.

The Evil Queen tends to surround themselves with the most powerful or popular, but unlike the egoist, they tend to play the victim when challenged. The Evil Queen enjoys being the centre of attention. Unlike the Psychopath and the Egoist, she will get people to do her work for her, she is generally the leader of a gang, although sometimes this is a figment of her imagination.

The Social Media troll, a new group growing in numbers thanks to the explosion of social media, they hide behind a screen, even one 16cm long, the smart phone! They think because they do not need to face the person they can say what they like and do what they like. Trolls often scout out people to launch a vendetta whether they are connected to the person or not. On platforms like Twitter this is easier than you think but in Facebook and LinkedIn the relationship is managed via your connection with them. On Twitter a person can comment on any post! It just takes one harmful comment to tip someone over the edge. Don’t punish yourself by reading and re-reading the awful comments, delete and block. Why would you need someone you do not even know in your space. You can also use the report function of each social media platform. Having used this function myself, it appears effective and Twitter - for example - will even provide status reports for each post reported.

Bullies will be encountered in many different environments, whether at work, home or in a social setting. As a victim, you need to find the strength to speak to someone, you trust. There is a lot of advice online, however less so for witnesses. As a witness, you could be the difference between someone exceptional walking away from your team or someone feeling the need to take their own life. If you suspect someone is being bullied:

Don’t be a bystander

• Ask the victim how they are and if they have the strength to report it. It is also imperative that you check they are safe from harm.

• If you are unable to speak to the victim, report it to an credible, trustworthy person

• If you see a derogatory comment on social media - PRESS REPORT

Not all help will be welcomed, some victims have been manipulated into thinking it is their fault, which is quite common in domestic abuse cases, but you could be the different between a life ruined or lost and one saved!

Here are a few useful Links (Click on the image to access the individual websites

Links - as cited on ITV.co.uk

Also see - Government Online Harms White Paper